Here is my attempt at a blog from my phone. So far, for me cannes has been a surreal experience, the place is alive with celebrities and the worlds most gorgous women, my best day was yesterday. Me and birty are staying in golfe juan which means we have to get either the train or bus to cannes, a bit of a pain when at the end of the night we have to either get a taxi or in my case hitch a lift with a perv and get sexually molested. So back to yesterday, we got the train in and made our way to the palais de cannes, we showed our badges and went through, at the exact same time deniro walks right in front of us, this was my second encounter so i thought this time ill get a photo with him, me and birty walked right behind deniro for about 200 yards, i gave him my phone and said right take the picture, the dimwitted div then took a picture of his own neck by mistake, it was hilarious, we were left there pissing our sides as deniro drove off.
Next we heads towards the american pavillion for a beer or two and a big crowd of people had gathered behind the barriers, a guy in a red hat appears right in front of me and the crowd all start shouting "jude" i took a picture of the dude from about two yards away then i turned to birty and said "who the fucks that" he started pissing himself and said "its jude law you nugget" we then went to the pavillion and sat next to a hollywood film composer named jack douglas who was talking to some students, we said hello and shook hands, a few beers later this gorgeous bird in a red dress appears and smiles at birty in a way that i can only assume means i want to go to bed with you, it was unreal, the jammy sod i thought, anyway it turns out it was linda cardelenie from er and a few films such as the faculty and kill the irishman, she sat on the table next to us and i took a couple of sneaky picks.
Later after a few more beers we had to move tables because of a private party, we sits next to this oldish chap who was really nice, he was a swiss film director named curt who works out of canada, he was really interested in our films and said we should come to a party sponsered by laphroig whisky, booth and cop then appeared from a screening and joined us. After about six hours in the american pavillion we then went to a bar called cosy box were the party was, i had a load of free whiskey and we made friends with a dutch film critic who was interested in tash force, after around an hour we left for a bar called the petit majestic, this is were my blog will have to end as im afraid i got totally pissed and i am still paying the price!